Another day, another edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event,
this time aired on October 5.
The show opens with Gene Okerlund interviewing Nikolai
Volkoff, who says he’s going to go back to Russia with the belt with no guilty
conscience in pushing the button to nuke the country if war broke out. Hulk
Hogan retaliated with calling no threat to him or America, but seeing young
Americans being shown the Russian flag burns him up. There’s more patriotic,
America is best, Russia is evil spots later, so I’ll get to my thoughts on this
at the end.
After that little treat, Hillbilly Jim plays up Uncle Elmer’s
match, then his wedding before getting interrupted by Roddy Piper. Anything
with Piper is hilarious and this wedding looks like it’s going to be a doozey. This
wasn’t the first wrestling wedding ever, that dubious honor goes to Paul Vachon
and Ophelia’s wedding on the December 18, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans.
Nothing good ever happens at them, so we’ll see how this turns out.
We then get a proper interview with Hogan, who says he
stands for America, that he’s proud of his country and promises that the
American Flag will remain standing in the ring.
Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie)
for the WWF World Championship
Hogan comes out to “The Star Spangled Banner” waving the
flag around, and is almost immediately hit from behind before the bell rings. Volkoff’s
strikes were soon countered, giving Hogan the invincible edge, until he was
smacked into the ring post. Hogan was eventually able to counter a backbreaker
and get back on the offensive.
Winner: Hulk Hogan with the legdrop and pin to retain the
title.
After the match, Hogan shined his shoes and threw the
Russian flag on the ground.
This match was pretty good. I honestly feel it should have
gone on longer and been the main event and not the opening match. I do like how
it seemed Hulk was going to lose, which would have been interesting. 3/5
After the match, Okerlund interviewed Hogan who said that if
Volkoff didn’t get the message that the USA was the greatest country on the
face of the earth, he would explain it slower next time. He was also excited
for the wedding later.
We then had more to do about the upcoming wedding. Elmer wasn’t worried about either his match
or the wedding, good to know you’re not nervous about marrying someone right?
Match: Uncle Elmer (with Hillbilly Jim) vs. Jerry Valiant
Umm. Valiant rushed at Elmer and got slammed in 6 seconds, a
new WWF record.
Winner with no effort: Uncle Elmer
I can’t even call this a match. The squash match from
WrestleMania at least had some effort. This was just pointless They shortened
the title match for this? 1/5
Elmer and Okerlund were very excited about it in their post
match interview. Can’t see why not, they just set a World Record!
Apparently Ahnold was in the crowd.
We then had Jesse Ventura’s “Body Shop” where he had Bobby
Heenan as his guest. Heenan complained about Orndorff firing him. He
subsequently put a bounty on the man’s head for $50,000 so he could put him out
of wrestling. It should be interesting to see where this goes. They also
played up the Piper/Orndorff match later on.
Okerlund had an interview with Orndorff. Wait, couldn’t
Heenan just search the dressing rooms for the guy? He wouldn’t have to spend so
much money that way. But oh well Heenan’s never really had much of a brain.
Anyway, Orndorrf called Heenan no good and said Roddy Piper wouldn’t be man
enough to collect the bounty. I’m interested to see what’s going to happen
post-match.
Couldn’t someone in the crowd grab Orndorrf to collect
Heenan’s bounty?
Okerlund then interviewed Piper who called Orndorff a sissy,
and called himself a tough guy and said
he would collect the money from Orndorff’s grandmother if he had to. He also
asked who wanted Uncle Elmer to get married when there would be five little
Elmers in a few years. Cheap heat is good heat.
Match: Paul Orndorff vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper
The referee had to physically restrain Orndorff before the
match, but the two immediately went at it, Paul on the offensive. The match
quickly turned into a free for all street fight with Piper having the
advantage. My video cut off before the two finished fighting so I wasn’t able
to see how it ended.
This was nuts. I can’t call it a match because of what
happened. Both men showed how much they hated each other by having the match
immediately devolve into a flat out brawl. It was great. What would have made
it better is if the two men started civilly, trying to wrestle, the having
Piper instigate the brawl instead of Orndorrf immediately going for the man. 4/5
We then go to Elmer’s wedding, complete with horrible organ
playing from Okerlund. But in the middle of the ceremony, surprise, surprise,
Roddy Piper interrupted it. This man will never get boring. In his words, “the
whole wedding stinks!” The crowd loved it. And so did I.
Side note: This wedding was actually legitimate.
Okerlund then interviewed King Kong Bundy and Big John
Studd, who claimed that Andre the Giant was the number 3 giant of wrestling and
they were going to put a stop to his run.
Match: Andre the Giant and Tony Atlas (with Capt. Lou Albano)
vs. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)
Andre went straight for Bundy, choking him out and using
Atlas’ head for a massive headbutt. While Andre was distracting Studd, Bundy
illegally slammed Atlas before the two legal men got back to fighting. Bundy
illegally went after Andre while Studd illegally worked on Atlas until the two
double teamed Andre.
After the match, Andre was double teamed by Bundy and Studd
until everyone’s favorite hero Hulk Hogan stepped in for an assist. So the
small Hogan is able to take two giants on alone when Andre couldn’t? Nothing’s
too unstoppable for America!
Winner: Andre the Giant and Tony Atlas by
Disqualification
It was an ok match. It was slow to begin with, but picked up
speed once Atlas got in. Atlas wasn’t used too well in this match, he was able
to get in a few good hits, but generally failed. And post match? We’re supposed
to believe that Hogan is so great he can make two giants that another giant had
trouble with flee? 2/5
A video package was shown with Okerlund and George Steele at
the Detroit Zoo… This just seemed pointless, but it was funny hearing Steele
call Heenan a lemur and Bundy a hippo.
Okerlund had an interview with Brutus Beefcake and Greg
Valentine who said they would have a match anytime, anywhere and with anyone
for the Tag Team Titles
Match: Leaping Lanny Poffo and Tony Garea vs. Brutus Beefcake
and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Johnny Valiant) for the Tag Team
Championship
Valentine started off with very strong offense. Poffo was
able to get some edge between tags, but interference cut it short. Garea was
soon tagged in and had a great advantage until Valentine dropped the Hammer.
Winner Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine with the Hammer
and Figure 4 Leg Lock
This was a
good match. There were points where it seemed like the challengers were going
to win, but it was constantly denied of them. It was energetic but just didn’t
scream “main event.” It would have been perfect for a starter match or
somewhere in the mid card. This should have been switched with the Hogan match.
4/5
We finish up the night with Elmer and Joyce’s
wedding reception. There was nothing really notable, except Tiny Tim showing up
and Jesse Ventura’s hilariously mean poem which caused Hillbilly Jim to throw
him into the cake.
Before I get into
what I thought of the night as a whole, I want to get into the whole
America/Russia, thing that Hogan and Volkoff have as well as the America/Iran
thing with Hogan and Sheik. It’s a fun angle and can really work when there’s
more than one dimension to it. It should be more than “I’m good because I’m
American, and you should cheer me because I’m American,” and “I’m evil because
from Russia/Iran, and you should hate me because I’m not American.” That turns
into a mindset of not
caring about the misdeeds of one’s country because “well, I’m from Country X
and Country X is the best country there is and it can do no wrong!” Yes, there’s
black, white and about a hundred different shades of gray. I guess this comes
from not ever having an 80s mindset, thinking that America is the best because
it’s simply America. Don’t get me wrong, I love America, and I do think it’s a
great country, but we have a lot of problems… wait, wasn’t I talking about
wrestling?
Yes, yes. Honestly, this was a really lackluster night,
earning 2.8/5
Two matches should have been switched and the squash match
was just terrible, even for squash matches. Hogan had way too much airtime, but
the wedding was nice, and so was the reception. Too bad Piper didn’t interrupt
that one too.
That's all for today, Wednesday we get another Saturday Night's Main Event and Friday moves onto The Wrestling Classic
