Superstars of Wrestling 11/15/1986

Hope you enjoyed Saturday Night’s Main Event on Friday, because today is another simple rundown of Superstars of Wrestling from 11/15/1986. This was also when Capt. Lou Albano announced his retirement as well.

The Islanders vs. The Gladiator and Barry O.

Winners: The Islanders

Mario Mancini vs. Butch Reed (with Slick)

Winner: Butch Reed

Don Muraco and Cowboy Bob Orton (with Mr. Fuji and Jimmy Hart) vs. Jerry Allen and Don Driggers

Winners: Don Muraco and Cowboy Bob Orton

Rick Martel and Tom Zenk vs. Steve Lombardi and Moondog Spot

Winners: Rick Martel and Tom Zenk

The Hart Foundation (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Sivi Afi and Johnny Mann

Winners: The Hart Foundation

Big & Super Machine (with Capt. Lou Albano) vs. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd (with Bobby “The Brain Heenan)

Winners: King Kong Bundy and John Studd

An unfortunately unreviewable show that must be thought of as average.

Wednesday: Superstars of Wrestling from 11/22/1986

Superstars of Wrestling 10/11/1986

Hey look! I’m actually on time and on schedule today!!!

Today’s review is of Superstars of Wrestling from October 11, 1986, so let’s get started.

Obviously we open with the usual, Vince, Bruno and Jesse going over the card

Before any match, Ventura interviewed the Bulldogs, who have Matilda the Bulldog as their new mascot.

Match: The British Bulldogs vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and Brutus Beefcake (with Luscious Johnny Valentine)

Both Valentine and Beefcake started wailing on the Bulldogs before the referee could get control of the match. Once he did, Dynamite Kid started having a good offensive edge on Valentine, who was able to turn it around and tag in Beefcake. Valentine started to look like he was down until he tagged in Smith, who started well, but was put down momentarily by Valentine. It went back and forth between Valentine and Beefcake wearing Smith down. However, Smith was able to turn it around for a quick second until he accidentally hit the referee. Things went haywire from there; illegal tags made and repeated attempts to cover.

Winners: The British Bulldogs

Great match with great energy. Like I said, it went haywire at the end, and it got sort of confusing, which I saw as the only flaw. 4/5

We then had an interview with Jake “The Snake” Roberts, who ranted about fear and survival.

Match: Sivi Afi and Billy Jack Hays vs. The Magnificent Don Muraco and Cowboy Bob Orton (with Mr. Fuji)

The match started off with Billy Jack and Afi working well against Muraco, until Orton was tagged in and started having the edge against Hays. Muraco then started working on Afi, and gave it over to Orton.

Winners: The Magnificent Don Muraco and Cowboy Bob Orton

Short  match, but good. It started well, looking like Billy Jack and Afi would have the edge, but it shifted over to Muraco and Orton quickly. Maybe Afi and Hays should have gotten a false second wind in there. 3/5

Randy Savage then started trying to psycho out Ricky Steamboat before their title match over the weekend.

Match: King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Dick Slater and Ricky Hunter

Seems like a night full of tag matches.

Studd and Slater started off with Slater pounding on Studd, who used his power to turn it over to Bundy. Hunter came in after Slater was able to get away from Bundy. Though he tagged in  Studd, who was took the match back.

Winners: King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd

Good match, it was sort of a squash without it expressly being a squash. Slater and Hunter seemed like they could take the match in the beginning, but once Studd found power, it was all over. 3/5

Now Ricky Steamboat gave a rebuttal to Randy Savage, who told him it would be the best fight of their lives.

Match: The Rougeau Brothers vs. Hercules and Barry O.

The match went back and forth between the four quite evenly, but I can’t really call it that well.

Though I wasn’t able to call it well, I found the match to be good, but a little too short 3/5

Cut to construction of the new Piper’s Pit.

Match: The Islanders and Pedro Morales vs. The Hart Foundation and Kim Clover (with Jimmy Hart)

No singles matches tonight?

The Islanders and Morales attacked the Harts and Clover before the bell, but after the bell, The Islanders started off well against Clover. And ended it swiftly.

After the match, the Hart Foundation beat up Clover for losing

Winners: The Islanders and Pedro Morales

That was way too short for a three man tag match, but it was an ok match for what it was. 2/5

Match: The Junkyard Dog and George “The Animal” Steele vs. Steve Regal and Terry Gibbs.

Dog and Regal started against each other, with Dog headbutt charging Regal. Steele was tagged in, ate the turnbuckle, roughed up Regal and tagged Dog back in, who ended it.

Winners: Junkyard Dog and George “The Animal” Steele

Another quick match, Gibbs and Regal never had a chance. I do like that Steele quickly ate the turnbuckle instead of how he usually slowly does it. But I do wish it would have been a little bit longer and that Gibbs was able to get in. 2/5

The night receives a 2.8, one more point and it would have been a good night instead of an ok night. Maybe if the last two matches had been longer.

I think my favorite match of the night was the card opener with the British Bulldogs/Valentine and Beefcake.

So that’s it for today, coming up Friday: Another Superstars of Wrestling (I personally can’t wait to get t 1988, when WCW Main Event starts)

Superstars of Wrestling 9/6/1986

After an extended break, I’m glad to say that I’m finally back.

And now, for the very first episode of WWF Superstars of Wrestling, shot in the Providence Civic Center in Providence Rhode Island and aired on September 6.

The show opens with Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura and Bruno Sammartino giving a rundown of the show, so let’s get going!

Match: Terry Gibbs and Roger Kirby vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and Sivi Afi

The match started with Gibbs and Kirby trying to ambush Steamboat and Afi, but the latter two were able to subvert their attack and get onto the offensive. Soon, Gibbs and Kirby were able to isolate Afi, wearing him down. Somehow, Afi tagged Steamboat, who was able to return the favor to the other two.

Winners: Ricky Steamboat and Sivi Afi

This was a pretty good match and a good card opener. Ricky always does well bringing offense back into a match to save himself or his partner. Afi could have gotten more in, instead of being Gibbs’ and Kirby’s punching bag, but that’s just me. 3/5

Gene Okerlund gave an update, stating the return of Superstar Billy Graham

The Hart Foundation (Bret “Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Koko B. Ware (debut) and Paul Roma

Koko and Neidhart started off, with Koko on the immediate edge, passing it off to Roma. Quickly though, Neidhart started gaining an advantage over Roma.

Winners: Bret “Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart

Honestly, this match was ok. It wasn’t a very good debut match for Koko, who lost and wasn’t even in the match for very long either. The heelish nature of the Harts was shown very well though, when they double teamed Koko after the match ended though. 2/5

We then have an interview with Capt. Lou Albano, The Big Machine, The Super Machine and The Hulk Machine. Albano kept yelling about how Heenan was going to pay at the moment of truth. Hulk Machine said they were going to stuff Heenan into the back seat of a Honda. Hulk Machine looks very familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it….

Match: Ron Shaw and Pete Doherty vs. Hillbilly Jim and Cousin Luke

It’s the hillbillies, who have no wrestling ability at all, so I’m sensing a squash match coming on.

Jim and Shaw started the match off, with Shaw being thrown all over the place, that honor being passed off to Doherty.

Winners: Hillbilly Jim Cousin Luke

This was also an ok match. It was entertaining as a tag team squash match, but it just wasn’t that great of a wrestling match. 2/5

It was Heenan and Orndorff’s turn to mention how they were going to send a message to Hulk Hogan, with Steamboat as the messenger.

Match: Tom Sharpe vs. Kamala (with King Curtis and Kimchee)

Kamala started off strong and in charge, beating Sharpe every which way he could. Sharpe tried to return the favor, but to no avail.

Winner: Kamala

A good match, it wasn’t that long, but Kamala certainly showed his size, agility and strength. It would have been better had Sharpe been able to actually do something. 3/5

It was time for the flower shop with Adrian Adonis, with Rowdy Roddy Piper as his guest. Piper had statistics of the WWF ratings, mentioning how the Flower Shop was the best bathroom break. Leaving, Piper handed Adonis a piece of paper proclaiming the segment would be replaced by Piper’s Pit. Great.

Match: The Rougeau Brothers vs. Bob Bradley and Mike Fever

The match started off with Bradley and Fever being dominated by the two brothers.

Winners: The Rougeau Brothers

Another ok match. Nothing really notable to say, nothing really happened except Rougeau domination. 2/5

An previous edition of the Flower Shop where Heenan inspected The Machines, suspecting he knew who they were. I wonder why.

Match: Giant John Studd and King Kong Bundy (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Corporal Kirchner and Special Delivery Jones

Kirchner and Studd began the match, with Studd dominating Kirchner, who was able to subvert it and get some good strikes in before Bundy intervened. Eventually, Kirchner was able to get a second wind, tagging in Jones, who had some steam before being avalanched by Bundy

Winners: Giant John Studd and King Kong Bundy

This was actually a good match. Special Delivery Jones should have had more time in the ring, but the power of Studd and Bundy gave them great domination. Jones and Kirchner weren’t completely overshadowed though, letting them have some good moves in. 3/5

The show was OK. Most of the matches were very short and not a lot went on in them except squashing and domination. Some of them were good though, and my favorite match of the night was the Studd and Bundy/Kirchner and Jones match. 2.5/5

Coming up on Friday is another edition of Superstars of Wrestling!

Saturday Night's Main Event 5/8/1986

So we leave behind the terrible WrestleMania 2 for another edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event aired on May 5 held in the Providence, Rhode Island Civic Center.

Mactch: Hulk Hogan and Junkyard Dog (with the Haiti Kid) vs. Terry & Dory Funk Jr. (with Jimmy Hart)

The match started with the Funks trying to get in preemptive strikes, but were shut down by Hogan and Dog. Soon enough, Dog and Dory started off as the legal men, with Dog in control. At one point, the Funks were able to swing the match into their favor, but Hogan put a stop to it.

After the match, the Funks and Hart tried to brand Haiti Kid, who was saved by Hogan.

Winners: Hulk Hogan and Junkyard Dog

To start the card off, this was quite a good match. The energy was there as well as good control by Hogan and JYD until the Funks started double teaming. 3/5

Might I say that Bobby Heenan on commentary is nothing short of amazing?

Match: King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer

Branded as “Battle of the Big Boys,” with Bundy being 468 lbs and Elmer being 430 lbs. 

Anyway, no one had any control over the beginning of the match, it being the human version of immovable object meets irresistible force. However, Bundy was able to bring Elmer to his knees and, despite a slight second wind, dominate the match.

Winner: King Kong Bundy

Well, this match was ok, but it wasn’t that good. I’ve seen much better “Giants Matches,” that had better pacing. This match should have gone on longer and Elmer should have gotten some better steam before starting to lose again. 2/5

Match: Paul Orndorff vs. Adrian Adonis.

Winner: Adrian Adonis 3/5

(couldn’t find the whole match)

Match: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
From what I had on my information, I really wanted to see this match, but couldn’t find it.

No Contest 3/5

Match: The British Bulldogs (with Capt. Lou Albano) vs. Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik (with Classy Freddy Blassie) in a 2 out of 3 Falls Match for the Tag Team Championship.

Davey Boy Smith and Volkoff started off in the ring with Smith providing the main offensive. But when Sheik came in, he executed the Camel Clutch for the first fall. After that Volkoff and Sheik started to dominate Smith. Eventually, Smith was able to turn it around for the second fall. In the final leg of the match, Sheik and Volkoff continued to have control over Smith and Dynamite Kid until Smith illegally came in.

Winners: The British Bulldogs to retain the championship

This was a great match. Sheik and Volkoff were very good challengers, giving the Bulldogs a run for their money. The match was rife with amazing tension that had points where it would seem the titles would change hands, but though the ending was fluid, it didn’t seem like a good way for faces to win a match. 4/5

Tonight’s show was better than WrestleMania 2, receiving 3/5. It might have been better had I been able to find those two matches, but we’ll never know. I would have to say my favorite match today was the Tag Team Championship match at the end, even if I didn’t like the ending that much.

That sums up this week. And unfortunately, for the next two weeks, I'll be unable to watch, write and update, so the next post will be August 27th, when we begin Superstars of Wrestling. 

WrestleMania 2

It’s time to continue the Archive Binge, today we delve into WrestleMania 2, simulcast from the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Uniondale, New York, the Rosemont Horizon in Rosemont, Illinois, and the L.A. Memorial Sports Arena in Los Angeles, California Did it do as good as WrestleMania I? Better? Worse? It’s time to find out!

Okerlund interviewed Hulk Hogan, who said the storm has come to King Kong Bundy and that his world title stood for America. No I’m fairly certain that’s the [then] NWA’s US Championship.

We’re in New York, with Vince McMahon and Susan St. James (?!) on commentary. 

Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Roddy Piper then explains why he’s going to win his boxing match against Mr. T. Yes. Boxing in WrestleMania. I’ll let that sink in.

Match: The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) vs. Paul “Mr. Wonderful” Orndorff

The two circle each other like sharks while vying for control, which soon went to Orndorrf. Muraco tried to turn the tables, but Orndorrf held strong, at least until they started fighting outside the ring.

Double Countout

Slow and boring with a finish to match.  A horrible way to open the card. 1/5

Now Mr. T says Piper will be getting hurt in their match. I’d care if it was for an actual wrestling match.

Match: George “The Animal” Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) for the Intercontinental Championship

The match started with Savage running out of the ring after being pursued by Steele. Three times. I’ve seen this before, but where? Oh yes, every other Savage/Steele match.

Anyway, Steele finally catches Savage and proceeds to dominate. Yet, at one point, when George was distracted by Elizabeth, Savage gained the upper hand. At one point, Steele smothered Savage’s face with a bouquet and padding from the turnbuckle. Though disadvantaged, Savage was able to use the ropes as leverage.

Winner: Macho Man Randy Savage by cheating.

This match was ok. It would have been better had they not followed the exact same formula that every other match I see with these two follows. 2/5

Match: Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. George Wells

Wells started on Roberts as soon as the bell rang, completely working Roberts. Only by a mistimed move did Roberts even get a hit in.

Winner: Jake “The Snake” Roberts

I have to admit, that was just bad. 1/5

Roberts then unleashed the python he brought to the ring, choking Wells with it. Considering Roberts debuted earlier in March, making this his Pay Per View debut, I think we have an establishing character moment.

Match: Mr. T (with “Smokin” Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton and Lou Duva) in a 10 Round Boxing Match

Oh look. Joan Rivers is guest ring announcer with Darryl Dawkins (NBA), Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy as guest judges, and Herb as guest timekeeper. Yeah Herb! The guy from the terrible and poorly done Burger King advertising campaign!

In round one, no one had any sort of real control over the match, but they each got in some good slugs. It took everyone at ringside to break the two up after the first bell.

Late in round two, Piper was able to get in some really good hits to start having an edge.

In round three, T was able to fight back, weakening Piper.

In round four, T had a distinct advantage, but Piper decided to throw T down.

Winner: Mr. T by disqualification

As a boxing match, this was ok, but it should have really ended like a boxing match instead. At least the other match at Saturday Night’s Main Event had that. 2/5

And now we’re in Illinois! On commentary, we have Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby.

Match: The Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre for the Women’s Championship

Moolah didn’t waste any time in going after McIntyre, who was able to get in some good hits until Moolah moved out of the way.

Winner: The Fabulous Moolah to retain the championship

Well that was fast. At 1:25, that’s way too fast for a women’s championship match. Could have been much, much better. 1/5

Match: Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff (with Classy Freddie Blassie) in a flag match.

Volkoff started strong in getting quite a few good hits and moves on Kirchner. It didn’t take long for Kirchner to find his sweet spot though.

Winner: Corporal Kirchner

I liked Kirchner’s win at The Wrestling Classic back in ’85 because it worked, but him just dominating Volkoff after being beaten down so hard? It doesn’t work. Only Hogan can use the Konami Code! 1/5

NFL /WWF 20 Man Over the Top Battle Royale.

For this match: guest timekeeper Clara Peller (the lady from the Wendy’s “Where’s the Beef” advertising campaign), guest referee Dick Butkus, guest referee Ed “Too Tall” Jones

It’s kind of hard to call a Battle Royale so here are just the participants:

Jimbo Covert (NFL), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (NFL), Danny Spivey (NFL), Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (NFL), The Killer Bees (tag team), Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (NFL), Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Russ Francis (NFL), Bruno Sammartino, William “Refrigerator” Perry (NFL),  and Andre the Giant.

Winner: Andre the Giant

This was actually quite good and I’m very glad WWF decided not to pull celebrity power with the winner of the match. 3/5

Match: The British Bulldogs (with Capt. Lou Albano and Ozzie Osbourne) vs. Brutus Beefcake and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Luscious Johnny Valiant) for the Tag Team Championship

 Davey Boy Smith and Valentine started off in the ring, with Smith working on Valentine, and handing it off to Smith. The two had control for a while, with Beefcake taking some of it away, albeit temporarily. Midmatch, Valentine was able to wrestle the advantage from the Bulldogs, but The Dynamite Kid was able to turn the tide.

Winners: The British Bulldogs to become the new champions

This was a good match, the challengers had plenty of steam early on, but the champions were able to keep their speed throughout. They seemed like they were going to retain until the Bulldogs were able to get a second win. It worked well. 3/5

Finally, in Los Angeles, we have on commentary Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and… Elvira. What’s with the celebrities who hardly know a suplex from a piledriver doing color?

Match: Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Hernandez never gave Steamboat a chance in the beginning, but Steamboat turned it around in good time. Despite Hernandez getting the offense in the latter half of the match, Steamboat was able to take it back.

Winner: Ricky Steamboat with a pin.

This was a good match. Steamboat had to work to get not only the beginning in his favor, but to turn the match around after it went pear shaped. Hernandez also did a fine job of how he started it off. 3/5

Lord Alfred Hayes interviewed Hogan, who said Hulkamania would live forever. Keep telling yourself that.

Match: Adorable Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer

Elmer clocked Adonis with a cheap shot as the match started and stayed in control until the very end.

Winner: Adrian Adonis with a pin

This was an ok match, it was your average squash match until the end when Adonis sat up, let Elmer hit nothing but the mat and went for the top rope. It would have been better if it stayed a squash match. It was perfect for that, not too short, but not too long. 2/5

Another Hogan interview, this time Hogan said he felt sorry for Bundy because he would be climbing out of the cage without the belt.

Match: The Funk Brothers (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Tito Santana and Junkyard Dog.

Dog and Terry Funk started the match off, but it was soon chaos as both the Funks, Santana and Dog were in a brawl. The dust cleared with Terry and Santana being the legal men, with Santana having the offensive edge. The Funks were able to gain control later in the match, including Hart kicking Santana, but Junkyard Dog was able to bring it back until Terry Funk used Hart’s megaphone.

Winners: The Funk Brothers by cheating

I have to say, this was a great match. The chaos between all four men went perfectly and the Funks destroying Santana until Dog could get in the ring went well also. It would have been better had the Funks won without cheating, but oh well. 4/5

Match: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) in a reinforced steel cage for the World Heavyweight Championship

Tommy Lasorda Guest Ring Announcer and Robert Conrad as guest referee.

So… care to gamble on who wins? I won’t give you odds.

Hogan obviously started off the match strong, but eventually, Bundy stopped him and brought the match his own way. After some time of being trounced and stopping Bundy from leaving the cage, Hogan enters “up, up, down, down, left, right, left right, B, and A.”

Winner: Hulk Hogan to retain the championship

This was actually a good match, with Bundy having some nice near escapes and Hogan looking like he would finally lose it. 3/4

The show ends as Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and started wailing on him. Our hero.

Honestly, this wasn’t a very good WrestleMania, averaging a 2.1/5 it completely failed to even meet the standard of the first. (Even with my changed system, it averages a 3.8/5.) One of the biggest problems was that the show started off with horrible matches. Unfortunately, having bad matches in the undercard and midcards make people lose interest and causes them to not stick around for the best matches, of which there were few.  Other problems for this show are below, but I guess this does it for tonight. Friday, we finish off the week with Saturday Night’s Main Event from May 3.

The Boxing Match. Having Rocky III influence some of WrestleMania is fine, I’m all for a storyline, character or feud that has that or any other film as inspiration. On the other hand, if it’s the inspiration for a match style that has absolutely nothing to do with the style of show you’re producing? It makes no sense.

Too Many Celebrities. Like above, a couple celebrities is fine. However, this show took it to the extreme and you couldn’t turn around without hitting one. Plus, having them in positions which they had no place being in makes for a bad show. WrestleMania I did just fine with a guest ring announcer, timekeeper and referee for the main event and Cyndi Lauper as Richter’s manager. This one saw all that for every venue, celebrity managers, 10 NFL players in a Battle Royale (which is kind of stupid) and three different celebrity commentators who either kept quiet because they didn’t know what to say or didn’t know exactly what to say and wouldn’t shut up, much like Susan St. James constantly saying “uh oh.” That’s not just celebrity power, that’s celebrity domination.

Too Many Cities. When your competitive sports (or sports entertainment) show is not shown linearly in one city, there tends to be too much confusion. My video wasn’t in broadcast order, so I had to find a list of how it was shown. Broadcasting simultaneously from three different cities was definitely not a good idea. 

Saturday Night's Main Event 10/5/85

Another day, another edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event, this time aired on October 5.

The show opens with Gene Okerlund interviewing Nikolai Volkoff, who says he’s going to go back to Russia with the belt with no guilty conscience in pushing the button to nuke the country if war broke out. Hulk Hogan retaliated with calling no threat to him or America, but seeing young Americans being shown the Russian flag burns him up. There’s more patriotic, America is best, Russia is evil spots later, so I’ll get to my thoughts on this at the end.

After that little treat, Hillbilly Jim plays up Uncle Elmer’s match, then his wedding before getting interrupted by Roddy Piper. Anything with Piper is hilarious and this wedding looks like it’s going to be a doozey. This wasn’t the first wrestling wedding ever, that dubious honor goes to Paul Vachon and Ophelia’s wedding on the December 18, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans. Nothing good ever happens at them, so we’ll see how this turns out.

We then get a proper interview with Hogan, who says he stands for America, that he’s proud of his country and promises that the American Flag will remain standing in the ring.

Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie) for the WWF World Championship

Hogan comes out to “The Star Spangled Banner” waving the flag around, and is almost immediately hit from behind before the bell rings. Volkoff’s strikes were soon countered, giving Hogan the invincible edge, until he was smacked into the ring post. Hogan was eventually able to counter a backbreaker and get back on the offensive.

Winner: Hulk Hogan with the legdrop and pin to retain the title.

After the match, Hogan shined his shoes and threw the Russian flag on the ground.

This match was pretty good. I honestly feel it should have gone on longer and been the main event and not the opening match. I do like how it seemed Hulk was going to lose, which would have been interesting. 3/5

After the match, Okerlund interviewed Hogan who said that if Volkoff didn’t get the message that the USA was the greatest country on the face of the earth, he would explain it slower next time. He was also excited for the wedding later.

We then had more to do about the upcoming wedding.  Elmer wasn’t worried about either his match or the wedding, good to know you’re not nervous about marrying someone right?

Match: Uncle Elmer (with Hillbilly Jim) vs.  Jerry Valiant

Umm. Valiant rushed at Elmer and got slammed in 6 seconds, a new WWF record.

Winner with no effort: Uncle Elmer

I can’t even call this a match. The squash match from WrestleMania at least had some effort. This was just pointless They shortened the title match for this? 1/5

Elmer and Okerlund were very excited about it in their post match interview. Can’t see why not, they just set a World Record!

Apparently Ahnold was in the crowd.

We then had Jesse Ventura’s “Body Shop” where he had Bobby Heenan as his guest. Heenan complained about Orndorff firing him. He subsequently put a bounty on the man’s head for $50,000 so he could put him out of wrestling. It should be interesting to see where this goes. They also played up the Piper/Orndorff match later on.

Okerlund had an interview with Orndorff. Wait, couldn’t Heenan just search the dressing rooms for the guy? He wouldn’t have to spend so much money that way. But oh well Heenan’s never really had much of a brain. Anyway, Orndorrf called Heenan no good and said Roddy Piper wouldn’t be man enough to collect the bounty. I’m interested to see what’s going to happen post-match.

Couldn’t someone in the crowd grab Orndorrf to collect Heenan’s bounty?

Okerlund then interviewed Piper who called Orndorff a sissy, and called himself a tough guy  and said he would collect the money from Orndorff’s grandmother if he had to. He also asked who wanted Uncle Elmer to get married when there would be five little Elmers in a few years. Cheap heat is good heat.

Match: Paul Orndorff vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper

The referee had to physically restrain Orndorff before the match, but the two immediately went at it, Paul on the offensive. The match quickly turned into a free for all street fight with Piper having the advantage. My video cut off before the two finished fighting so I wasn’t able to see how it ended.

Double Countout

This was nuts. I can’t call it a match because of what happened. Both men showed how much they hated each other by having the match immediately devolve into a flat out brawl. It was great. What would have made it better is if the two men started civilly, trying to wrestle, the having Piper instigate the brawl instead of Orndorrf immediately going for the man. 4/5

We then go to Elmer’s wedding, complete with horrible organ playing from Okerlund. But in the middle of the ceremony, surprise, surprise, Roddy Piper interrupted it. This man will never get boring. In his words, “the whole wedding stinks!” The crowd loved it. And so did I.

Side note: This wedding was actually legitimate.

Okerlund then interviewed King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd, who claimed that Andre the Giant was the number 3 giant of wrestling and they were going to put a stop to his run.

Match: Andre the Giant and Tony Atlas (with Capt. Lou Albano) vs. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)

Andre went straight for Bundy, choking him out and using Atlas’ head for a massive headbutt. While Andre was distracting Studd, Bundy illegally slammed Atlas before the two legal men got back to fighting. Bundy illegally went after Andre while Studd illegally worked on Atlas until the two double teamed Andre.

After the match, Andre was double teamed by Bundy and Studd until everyone’s favorite hero Hulk Hogan stepped in for an assist. So the small Hogan is able to take two giants on alone when Andre couldn’t? Nothing’s too unstoppable for America!

Winner: Andre the Giant and Tony Atlas by Disqualification

It was an ok match. It was slow to begin with, but picked up speed once Atlas got in. Atlas wasn’t used too well in this match, he was able to get in a few good hits, but generally failed. And post match? We’re supposed to believe that Hogan is so great he can make two giants that another giant had trouble with flee? 2/5

A video package was shown with Okerlund and George Steele at the Detroit Zoo… This just seemed pointless, but it was funny hearing Steele call Heenan a lemur and Bundy a hippo.

Okerlund had an interview with Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine who said they would have a match anytime, anywhere and with anyone for the Tag Team Titles

Match: Leaping Lanny Poffo and Tony Garea vs. Brutus Beefcake and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Johnny Valiant) for the Tag Team Championship

Valentine started off with very strong offense. Poffo was able to get some edge between tags, but interference cut it short. Garea was soon tagged in and had a great advantage until Valentine dropped the Hammer.

Winner Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine with the Hammer and Figure 4 Leg Lock

This was a good match. There were points where it seemed like the challengers were going to win, but it was constantly denied of them. It was energetic but just didn’t scream “main event.” It would have been perfect for a starter match or somewhere in the mid card. This should have been switched with the Hogan match. 4/5

 We finish up the night with Elmer and Joyce’s wedding reception. There was nothing really notable, except Tiny Tim showing up and Jesse Ventura’s hilariously mean poem which caused Hillbilly Jim to throw him into the cake.

 Before I get into what I thought of the night as a whole, I want to get into the whole America/Russia, thing that Hogan and Volkoff have as well as the America/Iran thing with Hogan and Sheik. It’s a fun angle and can really work when there’s more than one dimension to it. It should be more than “I’m good because I’m American, and you should cheer me because I’m American,” and “I’m evil because from Russia/Iran, and you should hate me because I’m not American.” That turns into a mindset of not caring about the misdeeds of one’s country because “well, I’m from Country X and Country X is the best country there is and it can do no wrong!” Yes, there’s black, white and about a hundred different shades of gray. I guess this comes from not ever having an 80s mindset, thinking that America is the best because it’s simply America. Don’t get me wrong, I love America, and I do think it’s a great country, but we have a lot of problems… wait, wasn’t I talking about wrestling?

Yes, yes. Honestly, this was a really lackluster night, earning 2.8/5

Two matches should have been switched and the squash match was just terrible, even for squash matches. Hogan had way too much airtime, but the wedding was nice, and so was the reception. Too bad Piper didn’t interrupt that one too.

That's all for today, Wednesday we get another Saturday Night's Main Event and Friday moves onto The Wrestling Classic