Saturday Night's Main Event 10/5/85

Another day, another edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event, this time aired on October 5.

The show opens with Gene Okerlund interviewing Nikolai Volkoff, who says he’s going to go back to Russia with the belt with no guilty conscience in pushing the button to nuke the country if war broke out. Hulk Hogan retaliated with calling no threat to him or America, but seeing young Americans being shown the Russian flag burns him up. There’s more patriotic, America is best, Russia is evil spots later, so I’ll get to my thoughts on this at the end.

After that little treat, Hillbilly Jim plays up Uncle Elmer’s match, then his wedding before getting interrupted by Roddy Piper. Anything with Piper is hilarious and this wedding looks like it’s going to be a doozey. This wasn’t the first wrestling wedding ever, that dubious honor goes to Paul Vachon and Ophelia’s wedding on the December 18, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans. Nothing good ever happens at them, so we’ll see how this turns out.

We then get a proper interview with Hogan, who says he stands for America, that he’s proud of his country and promises that the American Flag will remain standing in the ring.

Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie) for the WWF World Championship

Hogan comes out to “The Star Spangled Banner” waving the flag around, and is almost immediately hit from behind before the bell rings. Volkoff’s strikes were soon countered, giving Hogan the invincible edge, until he was smacked into the ring post. Hogan was eventually able to counter a backbreaker and get back on the offensive.

Winner: Hulk Hogan with the legdrop and pin to retain the title.

After the match, Hogan shined his shoes and threw the Russian flag on the ground.

This match was pretty good. I honestly feel it should have gone on longer and been the main event and not the opening match. I do like how it seemed Hulk was going to lose, which would have been interesting. 3/5

After the match, Okerlund interviewed Hogan who said that if Volkoff didn’t get the message that the USA was the greatest country on the face of the earth, he would explain it slower next time. He was also excited for the wedding later.

We then had more to do about the upcoming wedding.  Elmer wasn’t worried about either his match or the wedding, good to know you’re not nervous about marrying someone right?

Match: Uncle Elmer (with Hillbilly Jim) vs.  Jerry Valiant

Umm. Valiant rushed at Elmer and got slammed in 6 seconds, a new WWF record.

Winner with no effort: Uncle Elmer

I can’t even call this a match. The squash match from WrestleMania at least had some effort. This was just pointless They shortened the title match for this? 1/5

Elmer and Okerlund were very excited about it in their post match interview. Can’t see why not, they just set a World Record!

Apparently Ahnold was in the crowd.

We then had Jesse Ventura’s “Body Shop” where he had Bobby Heenan as his guest. Heenan complained about Orndorff firing him. He subsequently put a bounty on the man’s head for $50,000 so he could put him out of wrestling. It should be interesting to see where this goes. They also played up the Piper/Orndorff match later on.

Okerlund had an interview with Orndorff. Wait, couldn’t Heenan just search the dressing rooms for the guy? He wouldn’t have to spend so much money that way. But oh well Heenan’s never really had much of a brain. Anyway, Orndorrf called Heenan no good and said Roddy Piper wouldn’t be man enough to collect the bounty. I’m interested to see what’s going to happen post-match.

Couldn’t someone in the crowd grab Orndorrf to collect Heenan’s bounty?

Okerlund then interviewed Piper who called Orndorff a sissy, and called himself a tough guy  and said he would collect the money from Orndorff’s grandmother if he had to. He also asked who wanted Uncle Elmer to get married when there would be five little Elmers in a few years. Cheap heat is good heat.

Match: Paul Orndorff vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper

The referee had to physically restrain Orndorff before the match, but the two immediately went at it, Paul on the offensive. The match quickly turned into a free for all street fight with Piper having the advantage. My video cut off before the two finished fighting so I wasn’t able to see how it ended.

Double Countout

This was nuts. I can’t call it a match because of what happened. Both men showed how much they hated each other by having the match immediately devolve into a flat out brawl. It was great. What would have made it better is if the two men started civilly, trying to wrestle, the having Piper instigate the brawl instead of Orndorrf immediately going for the man. 4/5

We then go to Elmer’s wedding, complete with horrible organ playing from Okerlund. But in the middle of the ceremony, surprise, surprise, Roddy Piper interrupted it. This man will never get boring. In his words, “the whole wedding stinks!” The crowd loved it. And so did I.

Side note: This wedding was actually legitimate.

Okerlund then interviewed King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd, who claimed that Andre the Giant was the number 3 giant of wrestling and they were going to put a stop to his run.

Match: Andre the Giant and Tony Atlas (with Capt. Lou Albano) vs. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)

Andre went straight for Bundy, choking him out and using Atlas’ head for a massive headbutt. While Andre was distracting Studd, Bundy illegally slammed Atlas before the two legal men got back to fighting. Bundy illegally went after Andre while Studd illegally worked on Atlas until the two double teamed Andre.

After the match, Andre was double teamed by Bundy and Studd until everyone’s favorite hero Hulk Hogan stepped in for an assist. So the small Hogan is able to take two giants on alone when Andre couldn’t? Nothing’s too unstoppable for America!

Winner: Andre the Giant and Tony Atlas by Disqualification

It was an ok match. It was slow to begin with, but picked up speed once Atlas got in. Atlas wasn’t used too well in this match, he was able to get in a few good hits, but generally failed. And post match? We’re supposed to believe that Hogan is so great he can make two giants that another giant had trouble with flee? 2/5

A video package was shown with Okerlund and George Steele at the Detroit Zoo… This just seemed pointless, but it was funny hearing Steele call Heenan a lemur and Bundy a hippo.

Okerlund had an interview with Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine who said they would have a match anytime, anywhere and with anyone for the Tag Team Titles

Match: Leaping Lanny Poffo and Tony Garea vs. Brutus Beefcake and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Johnny Valiant) for the Tag Team Championship

Valentine started off with very strong offense. Poffo was able to get some edge between tags, but interference cut it short. Garea was soon tagged in and had a great advantage until Valentine dropped the Hammer.

Winner Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine with the Hammer and Figure 4 Leg Lock

This was a good match. There were points where it seemed like the challengers were going to win, but it was constantly denied of them. It was energetic but just didn’t scream “main event.” It would have been perfect for a starter match or somewhere in the mid card. This should have been switched with the Hogan match. 4/5

 We finish up the night with Elmer and Joyce’s wedding reception. There was nothing really notable, except Tiny Tim showing up and Jesse Ventura’s hilariously mean poem which caused Hillbilly Jim to throw him into the cake.

 Before I get into what I thought of the night as a whole, I want to get into the whole America/Russia, thing that Hogan and Volkoff have as well as the America/Iran thing with Hogan and Sheik. It’s a fun angle and can really work when there’s more than one dimension to it. It should be more than “I’m good because I’m American, and you should cheer me because I’m American,” and “I’m evil because from Russia/Iran, and you should hate me because I’m not American.” That turns into a mindset of not caring about the misdeeds of one’s country because “well, I’m from Country X and Country X is the best country there is and it can do no wrong!” Yes, there’s black, white and about a hundred different shades of gray. I guess this comes from not ever having an 80s mindset, thinking that America is the best because it’s simply America. Don’t get me wrong, I love America, and I do think it’s a great country, but we have a lot of problems… wait, wasn’t I talking about wrestling?

Yes, yes. Honestly, this was a really lackluster night, earning 2.8/5

Two matches should have been switched and the squash match was just terrible, even for squash matches. Hogan had way too much airtime, but the wedding was nice, and so was the reception. Too bad Piper didn’t interrupt that one too.

That's all for today, Wednesday we get another Saturday Night's Main Event and Friday moves onto The Wrestling Classic