WrestleMania 2

It’s time to continue the Archive Binge, today we delve into WrestleMania 2, simulcast from the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Uniondale, New York, the Rosemont Horizon in Rosemont, Illinois, and the L.A. Memorial Sports Arena in Los Angeles, California Did it do as good as WrestleMania I? Better? Worse? It’s time to find out!

Okerlund interviewed Hulk Hogan, who said the storm has come to King Kong Bundy and that his world title stood for America. No I’m fairly certain that’s the [then] NWA’s US Championship.

We’re in New York, with Vince McMahon and Susan St. James (?!) on commentary. 

Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Roddy Piper then explains why he’s going to win his boxing match against Mr. T. Yes. Boxing in WrestleMania. I’ll let that sink in.

Match: The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) vs. Paul “Mr. Wonderful” Orndorff

The two circle each other like sharks while vying for control, which soon went to Orndorrf. Muraco tried to turn the tables, but Orndorrf held strong, at least until they started fighting outside the ring.

Double Countout

Slow and boring with a finish to match.  A horrible way to open the card. 1/5

Now Mr. T says Piper will be getting hurt in their match. I’d care if it was for an actual wrestling match.

Match: George “The Animal” Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) for the Intercontinental Championship

The match started with Savage running out of the ring after being pursued by Steele. Three times. I’ve seen this before, but where? Oh yes, every other Savage/Steele match.

Anyway, Steele finally catches Savage and proceeds to dominate. Yet, at one point, when George was distracted by Elizabeth, Savage gained the upper hand. At one point, Steele smothered Savage’s face with a bouquet and padding from the turnbuckle. Though disadvantaged, Savage was able to use the ropes as leverage.

Winner: Macho Man Randy Savage by cheating.

This match was ok. It would have been better had they not followed the exact same formula that every other match I see with these two follows. 2/5

Match: Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. George Wells

Wells started on Roberts as soon as the bell rang, completely working Roberts. Only by a mistimed move did Roberts even get a hit in.

Winner: Jake “The Snake” Roberts

I have to admit, that was just bad. 1/5

Roberts then unleashed the python he brought to the ring, choking Wells with it. Considering Roberts debuted earlier in March, making this his Pay Per View debut, I think we have an establishing character moment.

Match: Mr. T (with “Smokin” Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton and Lou Duva) in a 10 Round Boxing Match

Oh look. Joan Rivers is guest ring announcer with Darryl Dawkins (NBA), Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy as guest judges, and Herb as guest timekeeper. Yeah Herb! The guy from the terrible and poorly done Burger King advertising campaign!

In round one, no one had any sort of real control over the match, but they each got in some good slugs. It took everyone at ringside to break the two up after the first bell.

Late in round two, Piper was able to get in some really good hits to start having an edge.

In round three, T was able to fight back, weakening Piper.

In round four, T had a distinct advantage, but Piper decided to throw T down.

Winner: Mr. T by disqualification

As a boxing match, this was ok, but it should have really ended like a boxing match instead. At least the other match at Saturday Night’s Main Event had that. 2/5

And now we’re in Illinois! On commentary, we have Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby.

Match: The Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre for the Women’s Championship

Moolah didn’t waste any time in going after McIntyre, who was able to get in some good hits until Moolah moved out of the way.

Winner: The Fabulous Moolah to retain the championship

Well that was fast. At 1:25, that’s way too fast for a women’s championship match. Could have been much, much better. 1/5

Match: Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff (with Classy Freddie Blassie) in a flag match.

Volkoff started strong in getting quite a few good hits and moves on Kirchner. It didn’t take long for Kirchner to find his sweet spot though.

Winner: Corporal Kirchner

I liked Kirchner’s win at The Wrestling Classic back in ’85 because it worked, but him just dominating Volkoff after being beaten down so hard? It doesn’t work. Only Hogan can use the Konami Code! 1/5

NFL /WWF 20 Man Over the Top Battle Royale.

For this match: guest timekeeper Clara Peller (the lady from the Wendy’s “Where’s the Beef” advertising campaign), guest referee Dick Butkus, guest referee Ed “Too Tall” Jones

It’s kind of hard to call a Battle Royale so here are just the participants:

Jimbo Covert (NFL), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (NFL), Danny Spivey (NFL), Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (NFL), The Killer Bees (tag team), Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (NFL), Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Russ Francis (NFL), Bruno Sammartino, William “Refrigerator” Perry (NFL),  and Andre the Giant.

Winner: Andre the Giant

This was actually quite good and I’m very glad WWF decided not to pull celebrity power with the winner of the match. 3/5

Match: The British Bulldogs (with Capt. Lou Albano and Ozzie Osbourne) vs. Brutus Beefcake and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Luscious Johnny Valiant) for the Tag Team Championship

 Davey Boy Smith and Valentine started off in the ring, with Smith working on Valentine, and handing it off to Smith. The two had control for a while, with Beefcake taking some of it away, albeit temporarily. Midmatch, Valentine was able to wrestle the advantage from the Bulldogs, but The Dynamite Kid was able to turn the tide.

Winners: The British Bulldogs to become the new champions

This was a good match, the challengers had plenty of steam early on, but the champions were able to keep their speed throughout. They seemed like they were going to retain until the Bulldogs were able to get a second win. It worked well. 3/5

Finally, in Los Angeles, we have on commentary Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and… Elvira. What’s with the celebrities who hardly know a suplex from a piledriver doing color?

Match: Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Hernandez never gave Steamboat a chance in the beginning, but Steamboat turned it around in good time. Despite Hernandez getting the offense in the latter half of the match, Steamboat was able to take it back.

Winner: Ricky Steamboat with a pin.

This was a good match. Steamboat had to work to get not only the beginning in his favor, but to turn the match around after it went pear shaped. Hernandez also did a fine job of how he started it off. 3/5

Lord Alfred Hayes interviewed Hogan, who said Hulkamania would live forever. Keep telling yourself that.

Match: Adorable Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer

Elmer clocked Adonis with a cheap shot as the match started and stayed in control until the very end.

Winner: Adrian Adonis with a pin

This was an ok match, it was your average squash match until the end when Adonis sat up, let Elmer hit nothing but the mat and went for the top rope. It would have been better if it stayed a squash match. It was perfect for that, not too short, but not too long. 2/5

Another Hogan interview, this time Hogan said he felt sorry for Bundy because he would be climbing out of the cage without the belt.

Match: The Funk Brothers (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Tito Santana and Junkyard Dog.

Dog and Terry Funk started the match off, but it was soon chaos as both the Funks, Santana and Dog were in a brawl. The dust cleared with Terry and Santana being the legal men, with Santana having the offensive edge. The Funks were able to gain control later in the match, including Hart kicking Santana, but Junkyard Dog was able to bring it back until Terry Funk used Hart’s megaphone.

Winners: The Funk Brothers by cheating

I have to say, this was a great match. The chaos between all four men went perfectly and the Funks destroying Santana until Dog could get in the ring went well also. It would have been better had the Funks won without cheating, but oh well. 4/5

Match: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) in a reinforced steel cage for the World Heavyweight Championship

Tommy Lasorda Guest Ring Announcer and Robert Conrad as guest referee.

So… care to gamble on who wins? I won’t give you odds.

Hogan obviously started off the match strong, but eventually, Bundy stopped him and brought the match his own way. After some time of being trounced and stopping Bundy from leaving the cage, Hogan enters “up, up, down, down, left, right, left right, B, and A.”

Winner: Hulk Hogan to retain the championship

This was actually a good match, with Bundy having some nice near escapes and Hogan looking like he would finally lose it. 3/4

The show ends as Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and started wailing on him. Our hero.

Honestly, this wasn’t a very good WrestleMania, averaging a 2.1/5 it completely failed to even meet the standard of the first. (Even with my changed system, it averages a 3.8/5.) One of the biggest problems was that the show started off with horrible matches. Unfortunately, having bad matches in the undercard and midcards make people lose interest and causes them to not stick around for the best matches, of which there were few.  Other problems for this show are below, but I guess this does it for tonight. Friday, we finish off the week with Saturday Night’s Main Event from May 3.

The Boxing Match. Having Rocky III influence some of WrestleMania is fine, I’m all for a storyline, character or feud that has that or any other film as inspiration. On the other hand, if it’s the inspiration for a match style that has absolutely nothing to do with the style of show you’re producing? It makes no sense.

Too Many Celebrities. Like above, a couple celebrities is fine. However, this show took it to the extreme and you couldn’t turn around without hitting one. Plus, having them in positions which they had no place being in makes for a bad show. WrestleMania I did just fine with a guest ring announcer, timekeeper and referee for the main event and Cyndi Lauper as Richter’s manager. This one saw all that for every venue, celebrity managers, 10 NFL players in a Battle Royale (which is kind of stupid) and three different celebrity commentators who either kept quiet because they didn’t know what to say or didn’t know exactly what to say and wouldn’t shut up, much like Susan St. James constantly saying “uh oh.” That’s not just celebrity power, that’s celebrity domination.

Too Many Cities. When your competitive sports (or sports entertainment) show is not shown linearly in one city, there tends to be too much confusion. My video wasn’t in broadcast order, so I had to find a list of how it was shown. Broadcasting simultaneously from three different cities was definitely not a good idea.